I wanna chat today about perfectionism and how it totally effs with your head and keeps you from being the best version of yourself!
Name a podcast “the imperfect party” and then your first episode is about perfectionism…yikes deanna…a little predictable. 🙄
Now, perfectionism can come from a lot of different places, but for me, it’s about the fear of being judged. I think I have a good idea, or want to do something, then I get so caught up in the details, and overthinking, then I start imagining what other people will think, and I get paralyzed and can’t take action.
Which is obviously not helpful when you’re trying to build a business, or basically do anything in life.
So, when you hear some of these you might be thinking, “Yeah…I do that a lil’…what’s the big deal?” But perfectionism can totally paralyze you and keep you from taking action.
It can lead to anxiety and depression. When you have impossible standards it’s obviously a little stressful and hard to live your best life.
I had a friend once that had a boyfriend saying that her expectations were too high. She was like, “I don’t hold him to standards any higher than I hold myself.” She didn’t make the connection that maybe she could take it easier on herself too.
Anyhoo…Let’s dive into the questions so we can figure this shit out and start to change some things for you if you’re struggling with the stress and anxiety of trying to be perfect in life or business.
JUDGE AND BE JUDGED:
Now, nobody wants to admit that they’re judgy. But maybe we could just say…do you make observations? Maybe you’re not a total Regina George about it when someone makes a mistake, but do you take notice? I do. It’s not something I love about myself but I do.
Recently there was another business person online that I went to their email sign up page and THE BUTTON HAD A TYPO ON IT!!!
I was like, OH EM GEE…get it together girl! But really, who’s suffering? Not her. I’m sure people are still signing up. Most of them probably don’t even notice it.
But me noticing it and judging it makes me nervous to put my stuff out there because what mistakes will I make that some bitch is noticing?!? HAhahahah….. …
It’s like that saying when you have one finger pointing at someone, you have three pointing back at yourself. It ends up hurting you in the end.
So now when I hear that voice try to start “observing” aka judging, I just shut that shit down. It just takes practice.
But the less you are judging others, the less you’ll worry about others judging you. Make sense?
OBSERVATION = PARALYZATION
Have you ever been at an event where people are dancing? It’s totally fun for the people on the dance floor, but have you ever stood off to the side and observed?
Like, you wanted to dance, but you were like, “Lemme just finish this drink first” and then you watched. And you were like, “This shit is WEIRD!” Look how awkward that person is moving? She’s like Elaine in Seinfield. OMG, I’m getting an embarrassment transfer. (You know, when you feel embarrassed for someone else)
Then before you know it, you’re paralyzed. You aren’t setting foot on that dance floor. You don’t want to be that lady. And you don’t even know how to dance. It’s too much pressure. You can’t do it.
So you head back to the bar, and spend the rest of the night, sitting, and drinking. Watching the people on the dance floor have fun.
You can totally do this with business too. Researching something to the point of paralysis. You can’t move forward.
It’s called analysis paralysis…even coming up with my trailer for this podcast It was super hard for me to stop researching what needs to be in a trailer, how long, music/no music.
I had to just tell myself STOP! And just do it.
Do you buy course after course to “grow your business” but find it hard to TAKE ACTION? This might be you.
THINK ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE
So sometimes perfectionists get stuck on the details. They’re so zoomed in they can’t see the big picture.
I mentioned a typo on a button to sign up for emails. Ok, but what’s the bigger picture? She’s growing an email list. She’s connecting with potential clients. She HAS a page for people to sign up for emails on. She is taking action.
And like I said, it’s not the end of the world.
When you find yourself getting hung up on the details I want you to ZOOM out big time. I’m talking on Google Earth, go from street view to outer space!
What will you miss out on if you let the fear of those little small things get in the way of you taking action?
DO SOME EXPERIMENTS
This one is HARD! But I want you to commit to putting something out there that ISN’T perfect. You know it isn’t and seeing what happens.
I’ve seen stories before on Instagram where people have a typo and then do another story right after pointing it out like, “DOH!”
Could you push yourself to do something like that ON PURPOSE so you could test the waters and see how awful (or not awful) it is to make mistakes and be imperfect?
What if it makes you more approachable? What if it doesn’t matter at all and you’ve been afraid of it happening, holding you back? The only way you’ll know is to try it.
You know how people choose their word of the year in January? I tried doing that for a couple years, but the one that I found made the most impact on my habits changing was this one: f**k it. Yup. Just “f**k it” I know that’s technically two words, but…f**k it.
Anytime I was a little scared to take action, I would just shrug my shoulders and think that phrase to myself.
If you find yourself looking at your stretch marks in the mirror and starting to feel bad about yourself, shrug and think that powerful phrase and then move on. It’s quite freeing actually.
FACEBOOK GROUPS/COURSES/FAMILY AND FRIENDS?
Okay if you’re going to make real change who is going to hold you accountable?
Join a support in Facebook groups? Are you going to hire a coach? Are you going to take a course? Check in with family or friends?
Sometimes us perfectionists like to think we can just do it all on our own, but we can’t. We need someone to hold us accountable.
When you’re stuck in an analysis paralysis loop thinking and researching and tweaking and not really getting anything done, you need someone to check in with you and be like, “WTF? Why haven’t you posted your podcast trailer yet?!?”
As perfectionists, we also love doing our tasks and getting credit for a job well done, so sometimes this extra motivation of checking in with someone helps us get it done.
And if we have to throw our perfectionism out the window a little to meet the deadline, that’s even better, because we’re just practicing getting our toes wet with imperfection.
You gotta figure out who your people are going to be and pick a schedule to check in with them.
I ran an accountability pod a few months ago. We met every Monday at 8pm and we talked about what we accomplished and what our goals were for the upcoming week. We had a Facebook group where we checked in throughout the week and offered advice and suggestions and reminders.
One woman said that she was a week ahead of where she would normally be in a launch because of our group. There’s power in community y’all. We don’t have to do it all alone!
Start thinking about how you can work with your style and maybe make a few changes if ya want!